Another Years Ends

So another year ends and I know I have learned a lot, mostly about posting things. I learned I have to edit myself when ever I have something to say. Wile I am not always happy to do so, since I have argued that I never named anyone in what I post, I figured it is best to just talk about myself since I am the one who is writing.

I also learned about loss. Loss of a great friend and a loss of a romance. The loss of a friend hurts more than the loss of a romance because I felt closer to the friend then the romance. Maybe because the romance was only a few months and the friendship was around a lot longer. Don't get me wrong, the romance was nice, but again it didn't last long. So the pain of that doesn't last as long as the pain of missing a friends one has had for years.

History also happened this year. LGBTQ rights were in the forefront of the news and we had our voices heard, and with that change in harts and minds of allies that helped us make the changes that was needed. I now live in a state where I can marry and be protected. Other countries are also starting to change in our favor and make laws protecting LGBTQ people. This makes me even more proud to be a Out, and Proud Lesbian!

What to look forward to for next year? Don't know yet. Hope to find a lady to marry, friends to hang with, family to visit with, and a future full of lesbian pride and happiness. What ever next year brings I know I will still be learning more.



                                               HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Being By My Self

Hay all, anyone out there? probably not. I am by myself a lot these days. I do Part Time jobs here and there, but most of the time I am alone. One would think that not having a lot to do would drive someone crazy, but not me. I seem to do OK, or even better when alone and in a calm environment.

I have always been alone and I have learned to except it as part of my little existence. I don't do much most of the time except TV and walking around, but I am OK with that. I am limited in function, and duo to that I am not able to keep a job or anything like that.

To me, being calm and just hanging is healthy for me for my mental precises. I need to be able to think in a calm and quiet place. I am unable to do so otherwise.  That is what is needed when one has the LD OCD 's that I have. The environment needs to be calm and quiet.

So, yes I am by myself a lot and I am OK with that. I am OK with relaxing and watching images on the screen, looking out the window at the change of the weather. And when I do the little PT that I do do I at least know that the environment is good enough for the time I am there.

  

Missing my friend

My friend of many, many years died recently from cancer. I don't know what tipe it was, just that is was cancer. This was my best friend, the only non-family person that cared about me a lot. We were not girlfriends, partners, or were even serious, but she would call every week to make sure I was ok and keeping busy.

She would hang at my little place a lot and watch TV, chat, or play on her laptop. It was very nice to know that someone other then family cared about me. Not that family is not important, but I really never had any friends, or anyone that really cared about me other then family.

Towards the end I would go over to her place and make sure she was ok. She was not able to talk mutch, she was connected to a breathing machine and didn't want too many people around due to having low energy. But she was always glad to see me and wanted me to come over as mutch as I could. No one, except for family, wants me around that mutch.

I was a polebear at her funeral. It was a very strict church that was not very welcoming to LGBT and sounded like the priest was condemning her life. I was so very uncomfterable not only because it was a church, but an unfriendly one. I was squeemish and moved a lot in the chair. I was not sure if her family knew she was gay. When her family was around my friend would shoosh me to not talk about the community when they were around. So I guess they didn't.

I really miss my friend. She cared about me, she would always call me and want to hang with me all the time. I know she had a good life and cared about people. I could only hope that I leave such a mark on someone's life like she did mine.

When people give you unwanted advice

So I am on Facebook and I am simply putting my feelings out there about how I feel about my girlfriend going back home to a different state then me and I may never see her again since I know she is not happy being in my state. Not that we won't still contact each other now and then and we will be friends when she goes home, but I do have the right to miss her without people suggesting that I move to her state with her.

I don't have money to move and neither does she. She was here to go to school so she can work back home, and we agreed to just have a summer romance and knew it would have to end soon. But all I get from people on Facebook is why don't you go after her and live with her, you two seem so happy together.

Hay I would live with my girl if I had money, or felt that I could contribute to our life together, but I can't and I am tired of acquaintances who I don't think know my situation well, or who did not even ask me  why we are mutually braking up,  giving unwanted advice. They feel that they have a right to  state what they think you should do to keep the one you love without asking why the bake up has to happen in the first place.

 So this is what I got to say to those ' helpful people out there who simply want to sound important'. Quit it, Facebook is not only about being helpful to each other, but also a place for people to vent their feelings about something without unwanted advice about their feelings or situation. Just knowing you have a place to vent your feelings is just good enough.

Why Illinois Needs to pass Marriage Equality

As always I need to out myself. I Am Gay! And I have the right to marry the lady I love. And hopefully one day I will. I mean DOMA is GONE!! One of many laws that was keeping lots of  people in my community from being able to marry the person they love. DOMA and Don't Ask, Don't Tell are now history! Both laws kept a lot of LGBT people from being themselves freely without fear.

With the death of these two laws we now can get even closer to being our best selves. Binational couple are safe from deportation, and couples can now get the federal recognition for who they are. So what is there still to do? States.

States can still makes laws that affect the state from recognizing same-sex families. So far California, Iowa, New York, Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, Main, Maryland, Vermont, Washington, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Minnesota, and DC have marriage equality and that is a great start! But there is still a lot of work to be done to get more states to recognize the community.

I live in Illinois, were we do have civil unions, but not marriage. Civil Unions are good, but not quiet the same as marriage, and that is the work that is still needed to be done, to get Illinois to be the next state to have Marreige Equality. I mean I want to marry in the state I live in. I don't want to have to go to another state to marry just to get the state and federal recognition that I have the right to.

I know we can do it! We are a great community, and we fight for what we believe in, and I believe in marrying the lady I love. I know it will happen, it has to happen, ILLINOIS will be the next state to have Marriage Equality!! Yes We Can!!

PRIDE!!!!

It is PRIDE again!! I look forward to Pride month all year. And since I am an Out and Proud Lesbian it is no surprise that I walked in the parade the past several years. I have walked with several organizations in the parade and volunteer all month in Midsummer Fest, and Pride Fest. It is an AWSOME time for my community and I would love nothing better then to be as involved as possible.

This is also a very historic time: Supreme Court decision on Prop 8, and DOMA is still on the horizon, and Illinois, hopefully on the verge of  hopefully passing the marriage bill. So this year is kind of a big deal.

  CHANGE IS COMING people !!! it is a great time TO BE GAY!!!