Living with Dermatillomania

Living with Dermatillomania ( skin picking) is a very tuff disorder to live with. I have had this since I was eight or nine and for years I have went through therapy, treatments, meds, clinics, and tests for this issue. It use to be called Trichotillomania (hair pulling) until the latest DSM came out with the official name: Excoriation disorder. The need to pick would over power the need not to pick. The scars get wores and wores to the point of bleeding and becoming deep holes in the skin.

I call it a reactive disorder because it reacts to internal and external events. Meaning even if there was nothing to stress about or worry about I pick non-the less because of the stories that my head would tell. Using nothing more then just a hint of a reason to worry or stress. I pick for hours a day just reacting to that one idea, or a slew of ideas at once.

The external could be anything. A party, TV, movies, work, school, parents, siblings, social events, just walking by the water, or talking on the phone. Any of this brings the picking up, just simply because I am reacting to events.

The internal could also be anything. A dream, a thought, happy, sad, mad, angry, depressed, ect.. just anything my head does brings the picking up. This part is what is frustrating because I have to stop and analyze what I am thinking or doing to see why I am reacting to it. I do this because meds have been shown not to work, so I do therapy and self-analyzing instead.

I pick in the morning, evening, walking around, talking to people, or sit and doing nothing. This disorder is just a reactive issue I have. I recently learned that I have an overactive occipital lobe witch I do believe also contributes to the disorder. 

This is not to say that meds and other treatments wouldn't work for others with the same disorder, but for me, it seems to take a lot of work just to function everyday and try not to re-act too much to ideas and things as to not increase the picking reaction. 

How I try to help my community

I have not written this year yet. I am just trying to make sure I just write about me and not about anyone else. Since I have a little quiet life, there is never much to write about. What I do do for my lesbian community is very little and am not sure if I make much of a difference.

For example I founded Being Gay Today. I have two web pages and a Facebook page for it. I don't make money with it. It is more of a tool for others to get the help they need. I never know if anyone has been on the websites or have contacted me through it. I am still proud of it anyway even if no one used them.

I do have a MeetUp social group for single lesbians witch seems to be doing OK. a few hundred if at all. I put up at least twelve events a month just to make sure that there is always events for lesbians to do. I don't always go but am glad the few who do do the events seem to have fun.

Then the newer contribution the L Lounge at the Center. A lesbian social, support, and friendly get together every month were lesbians can just hang, eat, drink, and just chat about life and community. No expectation, just being among your fellow lesbians in a special space were you can be you.

That is all. Not much els, what else can a single, poor, lesbian do for her community? who knows. I just try to be content with the little I can do and just hope I contribute a little.