Being By My Self

Hay all, anyone out there? probably not. I am by myself a lot these days. I do Part Time jobs here and there, but most of the time I am alone. One would think that not having a lot to do would drive someone crazy, but not me. I seem to do OK, or even better when alone and in a calm environment.

I have always been alone and I have learned to except it as part of my little existence. I don't do much most of the time except TV and walking around, but I am OK with that. I am limited in function, and duo to that I am not able to keep a job or anything like that.

To me, being calm and just hanging is healthy for me for my mental precises. I need to be able to think in a calm and quiet place. I am unable to do so otherwise.  That is what is needed when one has the LD OCD 's that I have. The environment needs to be calm and quiet.

So, yes I am by myself a lot and I am OK with that. I am OK with relaxing and watching images on the screen, looking out the window at the change of the weather. And when I do the little PT that I do do I at least know that the environment is good enough for the time I am there.

  

Missing my friend

My friend of many, many years died recently from cancer. I don't know what tipe it was, just that is was cancer. This was my best friend, the only non-family person that cared about me a lot. We were not girlfriends, partners, or were even serious, but she would call every week to make sure I was ok and keeping busy.

She would hang at my little place a lot and watch TV, chat, or play on her laptop. It was very nice to know that someone other then family cared about me. Not that family is not important, but I really never had any friends, or anyone that really cared about me other then family.

Towards the end I would go over to her place and make sure she was ok. She was not able to talk mutch, she was connected to a breathing machine and didn't want too many people around due to having low energy. But she was always glad to see me and wanted me to come over as mutch as I could. No one, except for family, wants me around that mutch.

I was a polebear at her funeral. It was a very strict church that was not very welcoming to LGBT and sounded like the priest was condemning her life. I was so very uncomfterable not only because it was a church, but an unfriendly one. I was squeemish and moved a lot in the chair. I was not sure if her family knew she was gay. When her family was around my friend would shoosh me to not talk about the community when they were around. So I guess they didn't.

I really miss my friend. She cared about me, she would always call me and want to hang with me all the time. I know she had a good life and cared about people. I could only hope that I leave such a mark on someone's life like she did mine.

When people give you unwanted advice

So I am on Facebook and I am simply putting my feelings out there about how I feel about my girlfriend going back home to a different state then me and I may never see her again since I know she is not happy being in my state. Not that we won't still contact each other now and then and we will be friends when she goes home, but I do have the right to miss her without people suggesting that I move to her state with her.

I don't have money to move and neither does she. She was here to go to school so she can work back home, and we agreed to just have a summer romance and knew it would have to end soon. But all I get from people on Facebook is why don't you go after her and live with her, you two seem so happy together.

Hay I would live with my girl if I had money, or felt that I could contribute to our life together, but I can't and I am tired of acquaintances who I don't think know my situation well, or who did not even ask me  why we are mutually braking up,  giving unwanted advice. They feel that they have a right to  state what they think you should do to keep the one you love without asking why the bake up has to happen in the first place.

 So this is what I got to say to those ' helpful people out there who simply want to sound important'. Quit it, Facebook is not only about being helpful to each other, but also a place for people to vent their feelings about something without unwanted advice about their feelings or situation. Just knowing you have a place to vent your feelings is just good enough.

Why Illinois Needs to pass Marriage Equality

As always I need to out myself. I Am Gay! And I have the right to marry the lady I love. And hopefully one day I will. I mean DOMA is GONE!! One of many laws that was keeping lots of  people in my community from being able to marry the person they love. DOMA and Don't Ask, Don't Tell are now history! Both laws kept a lot of LGBT people from being themselves freely without fear.

With the death of these two laws we now can get even closer to being our best selves. Binational couple are safe from deportation, and couples can now get the federal recognition for who they are. So what is there still to do? States.

States can still makes laws that affect the state from recognizing same-sex families. So far California, Iowa, New York, Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, Main, Maryland, Vermont, Washington, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Minnesota, and DC have marriage equality and that is a great start! But there is still a lot of work to be done to get more states to recognize the community.

I live in Illinois, were we do have civil unions, but not marriage. Civil Unions are good, but not quiet the same as marriage, and that is the work that is still needed to be done, to get Illinois to be the next state to have Marreige Equality. I mean I want to marry in the state I live in. I don't want to have to go to another state to marry just to get the state and federal recognition that I have the right to.

I know we can do it! We are a great community, and we fight for what we believe in, and I believe in marrying the lady I love. I know it will happen, it has to happen, ILLINOIS will be the next state to have Marriage Equality!! Yes We Can!!

PRIDE!!!!

It is PRIDE again!! I look forward to Pride month all year. And since I am an Out and Proud Lesbian it is no surprise that I walked in the parade the past several years. I have walked with several organizations in the parade and volunteer all month in Midsummer Fest, and Pride Fest. It is an AWSOME time for my community and I would love nothing better then to be as involved as possible.

This is also a very historic time: Supreme Court decision on Prop 8, and DOMA is still on the horizon, and Illinois, hopefully on the verge of  hopefully passing the marriage bill. So this year is kind of a big deal.

  CHANGE IS COMING people !!! it is a great time TO BE GAY!!!

A New Year is Coming

                                    A New Year is Coming


   Well HI THERE!! All you wonderful people. Yes I have not been blogging that much. I really never blog except if I feel I want to say something. As of now I have not had much to say. I have been busy job searching.  Yes, I too have been unemployed for a year now and have, just like all of you out there, struggling to have even a little money, and still struggling even now.

  The one thing I have going for me is that my little place is paid for by my parents. Thank God, or I would be on the streets, and they are also nice in paying the bills. So I guess I really can't complain. But I have very little money to do anything else except watch TV. So in that sense I do need to have a job so I can afford to do more than just sit and watch TV.

    So far I want a job for the new year. What else? A girl friend would be great. As you all know I am an OUT and PROUD Lesbian !! and with all the wonderful changes that are taking place for our community to have families, I to wish to have a partner.  A wonderful woman who wants to be treated like a princess. I have been on a few dates, but no prospects. I know I can make a lady happy and just want the chance to prove it.

      Now I have two wishes for the New Year; a job, and a wife. What else? Well we all want to lose weight. I have joined a gym not long ago and I am trying to use it as much as I can. But come on, some of us just get too busy, or forget to go to the gym. So who knows, maybe I will remember to go, or just not bother. I have made an honest attempt to make sure I at least eat healthy this year. I make sure I have nothing but fruit and veggies in the house, but I will admit to getting takeout a lot, so I guess I am not good a keeping that promise.

     So again three wishes for the New Year; A Job, A Wife, and good Health. What else?  I don't know. There is a lot to wish for out there. Peace in the Middle East, Continue the progress in the LGBTQ community, Maybe a better life for everyone on earth, on and on and on......

     I guess there is no more to say about the coming New Year, except to say I am glad the earth didn't explode on 12-21-12, and wishing everyone a Happy and Healthy New Year 2013!!!!

Living a single lesbian life

So, here is a resent photo of me. Not bad hay, well still this doesn't give me any booty, or a partner for that matter. I have been single for, wow, many years, and still no woman has shown much interested other then being a friend. Which is OK, I like having friends. But that ideas doesn't help during those long, lonely nights. I am aware that wile there are now millions of same-sex marriages, there are just as many single LGBTs that either choose to be single, or for one reason or another just can't find the right woman for them.

Maybe that is my problem. I am picky. Maybe I have this huge imagination about what the perfect woman for me would be.

Well she does need to want me, I mean I don't want to waist my time with a woman who doesn't care about me or anything. I would do anything for a woman who shows she cares. She also should be a little sexy, maybe average size or better. Maybe blond, or brunet, I don't care about hair or eye color. Nor do I care if she is tall or short, heck I'm short. She does need to be educated, at least a BA in something. I have a BA in film so at lest that or more. And, most of all, lives in the same state as I do. I so hate long distance relationship. I just don't see the point in those. The longer apart a couple are, the easier it is to find someone els, then what happens. You brake up. So that is not for me.

So were does all of that leave me. Well, lonely, for sure. Hanging around the other lesbians just hoping one will show some interest in me. But I am working on excepting that it is ok. That list is just a wish list. Having the friends that I have and being somewhat supported from my family at least gives me some comfort and that is at least something. I will aways wish to have a civil union, but I can only have what I have, so what can I say.